“You keep his shirt,
He keeps his word.
And for once you let go,
Of your fears and your ghosts.
One step, not much, but it said enough.
You kissed on sidewalks,
You fight and you talk.
You can hear it in the silence,
You can feel it on the way home,
You can see it with the lights out,
You’re in love.”
I felt his pulse against my lips,
His arms around me and his hands wondering.
I followed him close,
All the way up,
To his heart.
I know its dangerous,
This game were playing,
What were doing,
Because I’m going to get
A few days ago,
He told me he loved me.
And the best thing is that he didn’t mean to say it, it wasn’t forced,
All it did was slip out,
And it was the most graceful slip I’d ever seen.
And I said it back.
Of course I said it back.
And now its intoxicating,
Like I can never fully enjoy anything without him being there to enjoy it too.
Being with him is like learning to fly.
It was exciting and scary,
And I know at some point i might fall,
I might hit the ground to hard and retreat.
Maybe I’m thinking about this at 4:30 in the morning because I’m in love.
I’m most definitely over analyzing it.
And I’m thinking about his crooked smile,
That isn’t crooked at all.
His eyes, the way they look at me like I’m the most amazing thing he’s seen in his life.
His mouth, his lips, his bites, his kisses,
Oh how the list goes
On and on.
How I could never get bored
For the first time,
I feel like I’m at a loss for words,
There’s nothing left to do
But move forward,
I’m finally ready for something good.
And what I don’t realize is that he’s already taken me.
That I’ve lost myself in him.
It hasn’t hit me yet, and I’m so devoted.
I felt like I couldn’t get close enough to feel him,
Even when we didn’t have any clothes on. Skin to skin,
I couldn’t get to him enough.
And I’m afraid that because I couldn’t, there’s someone else who could and he will leave.
He says that’ll never happen, that its okay.
He says I’m loyal and he’s loyal too,
And of course he’s right, he’s almost always right.
I told him I don’t want him to ever question my loyalty, that I don’t want to do anything that might possibly sever those chords.
He said he will never question it.
And in that moment,
I forgot why I even doubted him in first place.
When do i decide if I’ve fallen for him.
Well that’s an easy question.
I’ve already fallen into it. Into him.
The semi-precious, eagerness of it. Of the luxurious idea.
An idea that I wasn’t sure I could comprehend.
When did I decide I loved him?
Maybe when I told him bringing her up bothered me,
So he makes sure he does want bring her up. He only talks about her when I ask, and that’s a lot.
Maybe its because he doesn’t think of her anymore, I wouldn’t know.
Or maybe it was when I was in the grocery store and looking for something and after not talking for three hours because we were both busy,
He texts me just to say I’m beautiful.
Maybe it was when he stayed up with me to listen to me read a book and listen when I tell him everything wrong with it.
And he just agreed.
And telling each other to go to bed, but not daring unless the other goes to sleep.
Maybe its when he’s driving and I look over to him.
Its just a content smile while he’s tapping to the beat of the song as we sit in comfortable silence.
Or when were laughing hard at a song that he’s found that isn’t meant to be taken seriously.
He knows the one.
Maybe its when we first made love,
And we just laughed,
And I hit my head, twice,
Never stopping to breathe.
And sometimes I do
Forget to breathe.
Or when I’m wrapped up in his shirt,
And I can smell him, and that smell will be burned forever into my nose, I won’t forget it. And when I smell it, his shirt,
He’s almost here. Almost.
Maybe its just his existence that completely ruins me.
And I let him ruin me. In such a good way.
Maybe I decided when I met him that he was capable of loving me.
The catastrophe I am.
Maybe I’m capable of loving him.
Maybe it was when I let him complete me,
Or when I let him in before I even talked to him,
And he knew. Oh how he knew.